March 22, 2012

Mr. Mom vs. Rocky

I have searched the entirety of the internet and the clip I wanted to post does not exist.  Just imagine in your in your mind when Mr Mom pulls out of his slump with the "Gonna Fly Now" Rocky theme playing in the background.  That is how I feel!  The Mr. Mom clip may not exist, but this excellent Rocky III montage does. 

I'm protein shakin' it!

In answer to Nellie's email, yes, yes I am still fat. DAMNIT all to HELL, I am still fat.  It is my own doing.  Nellie dared me la cana, and I have come to the realization that I DID indeed give my word, and I will stick it out to the end.  I still have A LOT of weight to lose, and therefore, I have no other choice but to protein shake it.  I will start my protein shake challenge on Sunday, and go through Sunday.  I have done this before, it is brutal, lame, exhausting and I will be pissy, and my cussin' numbers will be at an all time HIGH.  However, my word is my bond.  It MY own fault that I have not lost weight, therefore, I shall get it done the HARD way.  Here is to 4 weeks of PURE HELL. 

March 21, 2012

Dar la caña

In Spain there are 3 meanings for the word "caña".

1. A delicious pastry filled with chocolate.
2. A tall glass of beer.
3. Give someone a beating (with a cane or with words)

Today I just sent an email to my 4 other fat friends to "dar la caña" (to beat them with words).  I feel like we have all decided that we are not going to probably win the $10k and have feel that we have all given up (with the possible exception of Caleb who is at 10.67% weight loss - bien hech, Caleb, bien hech (good job)).  I think that we are forgetting that we committed $60 AND our word! - to ourselves AND to 4 other teammates that we were going to do our utmost to lose 16.6% of our body weight.  If 16.6% seems unreachable that does not mean that you are allowed to throw in your towel and give up - we still have 4 weeks remaining.  An ENTIRE month!  If we give up now, we have no excuses as to why we are fat.  I am going to hold my end of the bargain up to the rest of you. 

I promise Caleb, Devin, Haley, and Bethany that I will finish the commitment that I started to them to do my utmost to reach 16.6% weight loss by April 20th. 

I swear that I will get it done and you better swear to.

March 14, 2012

Look at that body - I workout!

A special dramatic reading of one of my new favorite workout songs.  You.Are.Welcome.

You can skip ahead to 1:05

March 9, 2012

Spandex... made for EVERYONE

I had someone dare ask me the other day if I wore spandex. I think he was trying to see if I dared show the cellulite in my butt, but was trying to be nice.   Hello!  I am a biker, a runner etc. OF COURSE  I wear them.  I rock spandex daily.  I don’t think it is about how little cellulite you actually have, or how small your belly is.  It is all in the ATTITUDE.  And, I have the attitude to confidently rock the spandex.    I mean.. check out this man… ROCKIN the spandex! 

Spandex… all in the attitude! 

March 7, 2012

I'm a SLOTH!!

Sadly, the last day or two, I have had "una faltona de ganas" as they say in the Celestial language.  A HUGE feeling of not being motivated.  I have slept more than I have EVER slept before, and I have done NOTHING.  Not a damn thing.  My small puppy, Woody, put in more time on the treadmill than I did yesterday.  And, sadly, he only put in 16 minutes.  I changed my clothes to work out, however, I ended up popping a small batch o airpop popcorn and watching TV.  Also, I went to bed at 8:00pm.  When my alarm went off to get up this morning, I simply took my dog out to go potty then hopped back in for another 2 hour snooze.  What adult NEEDS this much sleep?  AND..I am STILL TIRED!  Hopefully tomorrow the sloth in me will have retired!  He is cramping my whole life!

Bill - The Wonder Masseur

About 2 weeks ago I pulled a muscle in my left shoulder.  It didn't seem too major, but as each day passed all the muscles surrounding this poor injured muscle started to seize and knot up!  It was getting VERY annoying and VERY uncomfortable.  Yesterday on my lunch I went to get it worked out via massage.  (Because I have a growing distrust of doctors - of almost every kind: dentists, medical doctors, Phd's in ________ subject, etc.)  Luckily, I made a wise choice.  Bill "The Wonder Masseur" came to my rescue.  He was a dream and in an hour I was healed.  I woke up this morning without a single stiff muscle or knot.  Thank you, oh-Wonderous Bill.

March 2, 2012

From Majestic Mountains to Shriveled Raisins....

CAUTION:  This post does contain some PG-13 material.  It is not recommened for those with innocent eyes.

What I used to be.....                                                What I am now :(

I have always been part of the "big boob" club.  However, as I sit here today in my chair, I can literally feel my girls shrinking!  They are rattleling around in my bra! Why the HELL are they always the FIRST thing to go?  Why can't I be a skinny girl in the "big boob" club?  So, now my belly is OFFICALLY larger than my boobs.  Tears are coming to my eyes as I type this....  I am losing my identity.  I think I may have to go back to the ole peanut butter bags in the bra trick! 

However, on a much lighter note, I am thankful today for my education.  Yesterday as I was driving home from work, I noticed a new outfit on the man dancing outside the Little Ceaser pizz place.  He was in a full on PIZZA suit.  He was pepperoni on the front, and plain cheese on the back!  ha ha!!  Bless his heart!  AND thank the good Lord that I don't have to do THAT for a living!

Costco Muffin Roll

I put on my jeans this morning (the ones that at the beginning of the challenge would not button and had to be kept together with the help of a rubberband)

Luckily, they went on easier, I don't feel like I am going to blackout and they buttoned with ease.  Now I just have a regular sized muffin top pouring over the waistband rather than the Costco Jumbo Muffin top.

This morning, my weigh-in resulted in 1 lb.  Which is a small success, however, I am 3 lbs to a significant number and would REALLY like to get it off by my Tuesday weigh in.  So I have dedicated Tonight, Saturday, and Monday to the world's largest workout effort.


March 1, 2012

Taking It to the Top

Friends, fatties, teammates, lend me your eyes.  I come to admit that I am, indeed, the "weakest link" but I also come to forewarn you to BEWARE of the NINJA (pronounced "neeeeenja") that is B-dawg.  WarrWagon.  Alpha-back.  Whatever you wanna call me, be cautious around me because I am the dark horse 'rounding the corner to take this competition down.  Down to Chinatown!

So, I'm behind.  Like, way behind.  I have been involved with an evil force called the Utah State Bar, and that demon has been exercised in the form of a 2-day, 8-hours-a-day exam of epic, nightmarish proportions.  Now that it's over, I FEEL lighter (although, for some reason that didn't show up on the scale) and I am totally recommitted to rocking this catzbaugh (sp?) like it's 1999 (which happens to be the year I graduated from HS, so I love saying party like it's 1999).

But honestly, people, are those pictures provided by our beloved Captain Nellie like, cookbook-gorgeous or what?  I am getting on Nellie's plan, 'cause she gets titillating pleasure from the minutia of weekly balanced and delicious meal planing, and she does it very well.  So here's to Nellie!

Also, here's to my little bro, Isaac, or "big slam" who is a fan of the Fat 5 and will hopefully give us a good bootcamp training soon!  Loves!


Welcome March

I have a few things to discuss today - none of them connected and none of them REALLY profound.

1.  Welcome March! I love that January and February are OVER - on to the best parts of the year!
2.  March, why do you have to start off with a snow storm?  Jerk.
3.  Tomorrow begins week 6 of our competition.  That means that March 9th is our 1/2 way point.  Hopefully, we will have all lost 8.5% of our weight by that point - that will put us in line for a strong finish.
4.  Today is my deadline to get my seeds for my garden ordered.  I am VERY excited - and truthfully a little nervous that everything is going to wither and die.
5.  Modern Family last night was FUNNY!

Carry On!