March 22, 2012

Mr. Mom vs. Rocky

I have searched the entirety of the internet and the clip I wanted to post does not exist.  Just imagine in your in your mind when Mr Mom pulls out of his slump with the "Gonna Fly Now" Rocky theme playing in the background.  That is how I feel!  The Mr. Mom clip may not exist, but this excellent Rocky III montage does. 

I'm protein shakin' it!

In answer to Nellie's email, yes, yes I am still fat. DAMNIT all to HELL, I am still fat.  It is my own doing.  Nellie dared me la cana, and I have come to the realization that I DID indeed give my word, and I will stick it out to the end.  I still have A LOT of weight to lose, and therefore, I have no other choice but to protein shake it.  I will start my protein shake challenge on Sunday, and go through Sunday.  I have done this before, it is brutal, lame, exhausting and I will be pissy, and my cussin' numbers will be at an all time HIGH.  However, my word is my bond.  It MY own fault that I have not lost weight, therefore, I shall get it done the HARD way.  Here is to 4 weeks of PURE HELL. 

March 21, 2012

Dar la caña

In Spain there are 3 meanings for the word "caña".

1. A delicious pastry filled with chocolate.
2. A tall glass of beer.
3. Give someone a beating (with a cane or with words)

Today I just sent an email to my 4 other fat friends to "dar la caña" (to beat them with words).  I feel like we have all decided that we are not going to probably win the $10k and have feel that we have all given up (with the possible exception of Caleb who is at 10.67% weight loss - bien hech, Caleb, bien hech (good job)).  I think that we are forgetting that we committed $60 AND our word! - to ourselves AND to 4 other teammates that we were going to do our utmost to lose 16.6% of our body weight.  If 16.6% seems unreachable that does not mean that you are allowed to throw in your towel and give up - we still have 4 weeks remaining.  An ENTIRE month!  If we give up now, we have no excuses as to why we are fat.  I am going to hold my end of the bargain up to the rest of you. 

I promise Caleb, Devin, Haley, and Bethany that I will finish the commitment that I started to them to do my utmost to reach 16.6% weight loss by April 20th. 

I swear that I will get it done and you better swear to.

March 14, 2012

Look at that body - I workout!

A special dramatic reading of one of my new favorite workout songs.  You.Are.Welcome.

You can skip ahead to 1:05

March 9, 2012

Spandex... made for EVERYONE

I had someone dare ask me the other day if I wore spandex. I think he was trying to see if I dared show the cellulite in my butt, but was trying to be nice.   Hello!  I am a biker, a runner etc. OF COURSE  I wear them.  I rock spandex daily.  I don’t think it is about how little cellulite you actually have, or how small your belly is.  It is all in the ATTITUDE.  And, I have the attitude to confidently rock the spandex.    I mean.. check out this man… ROCKIN the spandex! 

Spandex… all in the attitude! 

March 7, 2012

I'm a SLOTH!!

Sadly, the last day or two, I have had "una faltona de ganas" as they say in the Celestial language.  A HUGE feeling of not being motivated.  I have slept more than I have EVER slept before, and I have done NOTHING.  Not a damn thing.  My small puppy, Woody, put in more time on the treadmill than I did yesterday.  And, sadly, he only put in 16 minutes.  I changed my clothes to work out, however, I ended up popping a small batch o airpop popcorn and watching TV.  Also, I went to bed at 8:00pm.  When my alarm went off to get up this morning, I simply took my dog out to go potty then hopped back in for another 2 hour snooze.  What adult NEEDS this much sleep?  AND..I am STILL TIRED!  Hopefully tomorrow the sloth in me will have retired!  He is cramping my whole life!

Bill - The Wonder Masseur

About 2 weeks ago I pulled a muscle in my left shoulder.  It didn't seem too major, but as each day passed all the muscles surrounding this poor injured muscle started to seize and knot up!  It was getting VERY annoying and VERY uncomfortable.  Yesterday on my lunch I went to get it worked out via massage.  (Because I have a growing distrust of doctors - of almost every kind: dentists, medical doctors, Phd's in ________ subject, etc.)  Luckily, I made a wise choice.  Bill "The Wonder Masseur" came to my rescue.  He was a dream and in an hour I was healed.  I woke up this morning without a single stiff muscle or knot.  Thank you, oh-Wonderous Bill.

March 2, 2012

From Majestic Mountains to Shriveled Raisins....

CAUTION:  This post does contain some PG-13 material.  It is not recommened for those with innocent eyes.

What I used to be.....                                                What I am now :(

I have always been part of the "big boob" club.  However, as I sit here today in my chair, I can literally feel my girls shrinking!  They are rattleling around in my bra! Why the HELL are they always the FIRST thing to go?  Why can't I be a skinny girl in the "big boob" club?  So, now my belly is OFFICALLY larger than my boobs.  Tears are coming to my eyes as I type this....  I am losing my identity.  I think I may have to go back to the ole peanut butter bags in the bra trick! 

However, on a much lighter note, I am thankful today for my education.  Yesterday as I was driving home from work, I noticed a new outfit on the man dancing outside the Little Ceaser pizz place.  He was in a full on PIZZA suit.  He was pepperoni on the front, and plain cheese on the back!  ha ha!!  Bless his heart!  AND thank the good Lord that I don't have to do THAT for a living!

Costco Muffin Roll

I put on my jeans this morning (the ones that at the beginning of the challenge would not button and had to be kept together with the help of a rubberband)

Luckily, they went on easier, I don't feel like I am going to blackout and they buttoned with ease.  Now I just have a regular sized muffin top pouring over the waistband rather than the Costco Jumbo Muffin top.

This morning, my weigh-in resulted in 1 lb.  Which is a small success, however, I am 3 lbs to a significant number and would REALLY like to get it off by my Tuesday weigh in.  So I have dedicated Tonight, Saturday, and Monday to the world's largest workout effort.


March 1, 2012

Taking It to the Top

Friends, fatties, teammates, lend me your eyes.  I come to admit that I am, indeed, the "weakest link" but I also come to forewarn you to BEWARE of the NINJA (pronounced "neeeeenja") that is B-dawg.  WarrWagon.  Alpha-back.  Whatever you wanna call me, be cautious around me because I am the dark horse 'rounding the corner to take this competition down.  Down to Chinatown!

So, I'm behind.  Like, way behind.  I have been involved with an evil force called the Utah State Bar, and that demon has been exercised in the form of a 2-day, 8-hours-a-day exam of epic, nightmarish proportions.  Now that it's over, I FEEL lighter (although, for some reason that didn't show up on the scale) and I am totally recommitted to rocking this catzbaugh (sp?) like it's 1999 (which happens to be the year I graduated from HS, so I love saying party like it's 1999).

But honestly, people, are those pictures provided by our beloved Captain Nellie like, cookbook-gorgeous or what?  I am getting on Nellie's plan, 'cause she gets titillating pleasure from the minutia of weekly balanced and delicious meal planing, and she does it very well.  So here's to Nellie!

Also, here's to my little bro, Isaac, or "big slam" who is a fan of the Fat 5 and will hopefully give us a good bootcamp training soon!  Loves!


Welcome March

I have a few things to discuss today - none of them connected and none of them REALLY profound.

1.  Welcome March! I love that January and February are OVER - on to the best parts of the year!
2.  March, why do you have to start off with a snow storm?  Jerk.
3.  Tomorrow begins week 6 of our competition.  That means that March 9th is our 1/2 way point.  Hopefully, we will have all lost 8.5% of our weight by that point - that will put us in line for a strong finish.
4.  Today is my deadline to get my seeds for my garden ordered.  I am VERY excited - and truthfully a little nervous that everything is going to wither and die.
5.  Modern Family last night was FUNNY!

Carry On!

February 28, 2012

Bare Knuckle Fighting the Devil

This is my THIRD attempt to post menus, recipes, nutritional info and pictures, but I have decided that el diablo (i.e. the devil, i.e. blogspot) does not want it to be.  I have battled this demon for the majority of the morning.  I have finally been beaten into submission and acknowledge that I shall only post the photos.  If you are interested in the full menu plan, complete with recipes and nutritional info I would be happy to send it to you.  Just drop me an email at -  and we shall just leave the devil out of it.

I have been on SEVERAL diet plans in my life and I HATE them all!  This time around, I have decided to learn from my sisters' example.  They all eat normal and delicious food.  The food is homemade, well-prepared, nutritionally-balanced, and eaten in moderation with their families.  They do not prepare themselves something strange in the name of a diet - they eat what their families eat.  Real Food for Real People. I have really been loving it.  I do not feel deprived in any way.

FYI - Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner = approx. 400 cal per meal, Snacks = approx. 150 cal per snack

Chicken Parmesan Ziti - Dinner (week 1/28)

Steak Fajitas - Dinner (week 2/5)

Steak Fajitas - Dinner (week 2/5)

Steak Fajitas - Dinner (week 2/5)

Homemade Yogurt (with Apricot Jam, Craisins, and Grapenuts) and English Muffin with Honey - Breakfast (week 2/5)

Strawberries dipped in Chocolate Pudding - Snack (week 2/12)

Vegetable Beef Soup with Crackers - Lunch (week 2/12)

Scrambled Eggs with Hashbrowns Smothered in Green Chili and Cheese with 1/2 a Grapefruit - Breakfast (week 2/12)

Fat Tuesday Jambalaya - Lunch (week 2/19)

White Chili with Pico and Baci Roll - Lunch (week 2/26)

French Toast with Ebelskiver (caramel) Syrup and Fresh Berries - Breakfast (week 2/26)

Cremini Mushroom and Swiss Stuffed Chicken with Rice Pilaf and Asparagus - Dinner (week 2/26)

February 27, 2012

I hate rude behavior in a man - I won't tolerate it

Like Haley, I woke up this morning feeling renewed in purpose! 

I got to the gym before 5 a.m. and had planned on doing the "incline trainer".  There are a total of 4 of these machines at the Spanish Fork Gold's....they were already taken.  I figured, no big thing - all 4 people have been on over 30 mins, I'll jump on the elliptical right behind them and as soon as someone leaves I will incline climb my way to success!  Unfortunately, all 4 people went for well over an hour.  I watched them every second of the way slowly steaming about why all 4 people have decided to walk/jog at a 0 incline on the Incline Climber.  I wanted to scream "If you're not going to use the incline use a BLEEPING regular treadmill!" But I didn't, I patiently bit my tongue and waited for my turn. Women started to line up behind people on these machines.  I wanted to yell "ME FIRST!  I have been waiting 45 mins!"  Two of the ladies on the incline climbers seemed like they had finished their workout and proceeded to stretch on the machine as people were waiting.  So I politely asked.  "Are you almost done?  People are anxious to use the INCLINE climber" - It's true I did emphasize the INCLINE and perhaps.... that was not so polite.  They said, "you bet, just a minute".  So me and 3 other hungry-for-incline ladies patiently waited.  15 MINS they spent stretching ON the machine and chatting with each other.

The following clip demonstrates my feelings towards rude behavior.  - As my dad says, "Every situation in life can be referred to a quote/clip from Lonesome Dove" - too true, daddy-o! (its a long clip, but starting at 2 mins. in gives you exactly what I felt like!)

Luckily, I plan on kick-boxing tomorrow morning - perhaps those two ladies will be in that class and ACCIDENTLY, I may kick them in the rear.

On a brighter note, I am renewed in purpose and got 1200 calories burned before breakfast!


I would like all of you to know that I am rededicating myself as of 4:30 this morning to fighting harder, exercising more, and kicking the fat A of these last 30lbs before this contest ends.  I will NOT get off the treadmill or bike until I have waterfalls of sweat coming off all parts of my body, and my entire workout attire is wet.  It felt AWESOME today as I finished a KILLER workout and I stripped out of my tank and shorts as if they were a wet swimming suit!  After showering, I pulled on AND buttoned a pair of slacks that I have not fit in for who know how long.  AND.. I really don't have much muffin top (above or below) the waistline, nor do I have camel toe!  It is a good day!  I pledge to do my best!  Happy Monday!  May the force be with everyone in our weightloss endeavours!

February 22, 2012


I'd like to bear my testimony of Zumba. I said in my interview a few weeks ago that I was planning on making several Wii games my workout plan, and I've been super impressed with one of them. Zumba for the Wii is amazing. You place the remote in a special belt, then fasten that belt around your hips and rock out for 45 minutes and sweat right to death. It's gets you movin' and a groovin', and I can feel a whole lot of good coming from it; more than just weight loss, but I'm loosening up my back, so I'm not having as much back pain.

Like most games, you start out with the basics and work your way up, unlocking level after level of more intense Zumba workouts until you finally unlock the crowning jewel: the Zumbathon. It is a 60 minute workout of death, featuring all the hardcore dances from the previous workouts. I unlocked the Zumbathon just last night, and Hoover and I are gonna do it on Friday, and hopefully we will survive. And we feel pretty proud and intense about it. We feel that most things are a big deal if they end with -athon, so the Zumbathon had better not disappoint.

Zen Your Way Thin

I have also recently had a disturbing weight loss trend.  Each day I am up 2-3 lbs from the previous day, but my pants are fitting MUCH better - almost not gut-wrenchingly tight!  So this morning after being at the gym at the wee small hour of 5 bells and after climbing the equivalent of 150 flights (or over 3 miles worth) of stairs I went home and snuck in a weigh in to see if all had been corrected in my world.  UP ANOTHER 2 BLEEPING-BLEEP LBS! 

I was so angry that when my darling Penny-Lane greeted me out of her kennel I sternly put her directly outside with her kibble.  No happy words, no throwing of the ball/rope, no walk around the neighborhood.  She sat there with her head-bowed and her shoulders schlumped over looking at me through my sliding door as I ate my breakfast.  Now that I am work I am SOOOO sad!  I am almost crying... The only thing keeping me from rushing home to give her great big hug is the knowledge that as I was leaving for work I saw her digging up rocks in the garden and throwing them to herself happily.  My poor puppy was the brunt of my weight gain frustration. 

As I was driving to work, I remembered the previous 3 weeks bliss.  I was happy, feeling healthy, not frustrated, satisfied by my portions and the weight was melting off.  I have decided that the anger/frustration/stress block that I have put on myself is the cause of my recent woes.  So I am sitting at my desk doing my yoga breathing trying to bring the peaceful feeling of health and happiness back to my body and soul. I have decided to Zen my way thin.  Doing battle with myself does not make me happy and only makes me resentful to my efforts towards health. 

February 21, 2012

Happy Fat Tuesday!

I LOVE a good holiday! (especially one highlighting swingin music and delicious food!)  So, dawn your beads, play some zydeco (cajun music), and eat some jambalaya! 

In honor of one of my favorite holidays see the recipe posted below. 
It serves 7 with the following nutritional info per serving:  418 cal, 10.8g fat, 49.7g carb, 2.9g fiber, 24.2g protein

JAMBALAYA (serves 7)
24 med Shrimp
8 oz Andouille Sausage (cajun/lousiana style sausage)
8 oz Chicken
1 TBS Creole/Louisiana Seasoning
1 TBS Oil
1 sm Onion
1 sm Green Pepper
3 Stalks Celery
3 Cloves Garlic
2 Med Tomatoes
5 Bay Leaves
2 tsp Worcestershire
1-2 tsp Hot Sauce
2 C Med Grain Rice
3 C Chicken Stock
2 tsp Salt

Mix Chicken with 2 tsp Cajun Seasoning, mix shrimp with 1 tsp Cajun Seasoning, set aside.  Preheat oven to 400.  In a large pot/dutch oven saute onion, pepper, celery for 3 mins.  Add Garlic and tomatoes and cook for 2 mins.  Add rice and chicken and saute slightly.  Add the remaining ingredients (except for the shrimp) and bring to a boil.  Cover pot and put in oven for 20 mins.  Stir and add shrimp, turn oven off and let sit 10 mins.  Remove bay leaves before serving.

Haley and the "Health o Meter"

Let me introduce you all to my best friend, Health o Meter.  He is my scale.  He is the only thing right now that consistently sees me in the nude, and monitors my weight.  We have been through many ups and downs together.  He has NEVER let me down.... until this last week. 

I have to admit, this last week was an all time LOW in my weightloss.  First of all, if any of you know me well, strange things happen to me and this precious body of mine.  Things that people would NEVER really believe could or actually would happen to anyone, ALWAYS happen to me.  The first few weeks of this weightloss compeition started out AMAZING.  I was working out, eating right and losing weight.  Everything equaled out.  Less calories + more exercise = weightloss.  Perfect.  Until Monday happened.  I greeted my best friend, the scale,  aka the "health o meter"at an early morning hour.  + 6 WHAT THE HELL?? Had my Health o Meter betryaed me?  Did he need new batteries? Was it time to get a new best friend?   How can anyone gain 6lbs OVERNIGHT, well friends, I CAN!  I cussed the scale, kicked it, and went on with my day.  I thought that surely I was carrying water weight and that by morning it would be off no problem.  However, my Fat Five Friends, I am here to tell you that it DIDN'T go away the next day.  I gained a total of 16 FAT POUNDS before my body FINALLY let them go. I weighed myself on two other scales, and they all weighed me the very same.  The Health o Meter was not lying. :(  Last week was a waste of my life.  I spent most of the week gaining weight and being a hypocondric convincing myself that I HAD to have some sort of disease because, lets be honest, who else can gain and lose 16lbs in a week?    However, today I am here to tell you that I am back in the saddle!   I do NOT have any strange disease.... and hopefully this week will be a week of LOSING and NOT GAINING!  Go fat five!!!  I hope you have all had a far more successful week than I did!

February 13, 2012


A thought courtesy of my sister.  This was a poster used by the US Food Administration from 1914-1918.

February 10, 2012


Alas, good buddies, I report to you this week from my downtrodden state.  To put things in perspective, I did a TRX class on Monday, yoga AND body combat Tuesday, body pump (weight lifting class) Wednesday, was so sore by Thursday I took the day to simply walk and stretch; stayed up with my baby all night into Friday, and the grand weight loss this week.....ONE MEASLY POUND!  I don't think I can describe my outrage.  I literally could not straighten my arms  most of the week because I'd worked so hard.  That's not to mention the screaming muscles in my legs and butt, as well.  I am super upset, because I haven't eaten any refined sugar and ate only a limited amount of whole grain carbs.  WTF?

It is in this ticked-off state that I am re-committing myself to this whole damn thing.  I think my overall calorie count needs to be lower, so that's where I'm going to start.  I feel like I'm behind because the first few weeks should be my greatest weight loss.  But don't worry, team; I'm not gonna let you down.  No way, no how!

Shout out to Coco, who informed me she's reading the blog.  You are a f-ing beautiful child, coco, and don't you forget it.

February 9, 2012

Upcoming Mini Challenges

I thought the team would be interested in the upcoming mini-challenges.  I truly believe we need to participate in these as much as possible to break the "tie" at the end.  I am willing to bet there are going to be a handful of teams that all over-shoot the 16.6% weight cap and tie for 1st place.  Fortunately, we have a list of upcoming challenges to think about.  Unfortunately, it looks like the way to win the challenge is through dumb-facebook voting. 

 Here is a brief overview of the weekly tips and mini challenges that we'll be focusing on over the next 12 weeks:
  • Weeks 1 & 2 ~ Focus on Team Synergy. Mini Challenge: Team Page & Photo 
  • Weeks 3 & 4 ~ Focus on Nutrition. Mini Challenge: Best Recipe(s) 
  • Weeks 5 & 6 ~ Focus on Nutrition cont'd. Mini Challenge: Healthy Meal Photo 
  • Weeks 7 & 8 ~ Focus on Fitness. Mini Challenge: Team Exercise Video/Photo 
  • Weeks 9 & 10 ~ Focus on Emotions and Motivation. Mini Challenge: Best Photo of Alternative Ways to Soothe
  • Weeks 11 & 12 ~ Focus on Long Term Success; Best Before and After Photos Mini Challenge
I have started taking pictures of my delicious looking food and have 1 million recipes to choose from. 

Live Long and Prosper!

Losing weight is EXHAUSTING.....

Lets be honest, before I joined the FFF I was an untamed mustang (or whatever the girl version of that horse is).  I ate fast food daily; I watched entirely too much television, and drank soda like it was my lifeline. I could not go a day without cookies, cakes, chocolate, or pie.  I’ll admit there were some days that I ate ALL of those delicious treats in ONE day.  Yes, I know the reason for my fatness.  Now that I have turned over a new leaf, seen the light, and have become more “tame” in my eating and exercising practices, I am EXHAUSTED.  I am pretty sure that my body is still in shock from the good food I consume and still going through withdrawals from the absence of chocolate and Diet Pepsi in my system, not to mention the great amount of exercise that I have now adapted into my everyday routine.  However, as I see my pants fitting more loosely, (decreasing the camel toe daily)  my face thinning out and my overall spirit being brightened IT IS ALL WORTH IT!  I currently have 36lbs left!  I’m gonna kick their A!!!!!Go FAT FIVE!!!

February 7, 2012

Plus One Little Screamer

Hey all!

Last week was quite the thing for all of us. Firstly, everyone knows that with my work, I have the 7 days on, 7 days off schedule, meaning that if it's my on-week, and you want me to do you a favor, odds are I simply won't have the time.

Last Tuesday, the first day of my on-week, Steph got into a fender bender just outside my complex. No one was injured, but Steph was definitely shaken up, to the point that one hour later she went right into transition labor. Yeah, we called our birth class instructor Amy Jones, who also would be at the birth, and explained the situation and she said, "I really don't think this is labor. Tell her to soak in a nice hot bath and drink some tea and listen to some music, and the odds are that this will pass because it's just a response to her car crash."

Stephanie did all those things, and the contractions only got harder, longer, and came more frequently. We call the midwives, and they said to come into the Birth Center, that Steph is probably having a baby. I called Amy back, and she said, "Well, that's fine to go to the Center, but don't be surprised when they check her and she's only at a 3 and then send you home, 'cause I'm pretty sure this is just her body reacting to the wreck."

We got to the center, and Steph was at an 8. "Okay, I'll be right over!" Amy said as she ran out the door. Steph labored in the tub for less than two hours, and our perfect baby boy Dalton was born at 9:25 pm, making his labor just under four hours!

Then he wasn't breathing perfectly well, so he got rushed to the NICU to spend the next three days. So between labor and the NICU, and my work week, life was rough for me, and especially for Steph. On the diet end of things, I had to live off hospital cafeteria food and whatever people brought us, so the diet was not ideal.

Once we got Dalton home, and we took a few days to recuperate and let my work week end, I weighed myself to assess the damage, and things are JUST FINE! I am right where I was last time I reported, so the universe is being nice to me this go around.

Thank you, universe.

February 3, 2012

New Additions...

There have been new additions to our team-family this week!  I will not spoil another team-member's news, but I also experienced an addition to my home this week.  The Concept 2 model D.  OOOoooooooo!  My new fancy rowing machine is what I will be doing in front of the TV at night.  I need something to help my back, because sitting at a desk ALL day is NO BUENO!

February 2, 2012

Flabby Road

Due to the overwhelming number of teams who have signed up to claim our $10,000 the sponsoring company has announced that any ties for 1st, 2nd, 3rd place will be determined by the number of mini-challenges that  are won by the tying teams.  The first mini-challenge was to post our "before" picture on their facebook page and have people vote.  (secretly, - actually, openly, I HATE this method of voting on things.  Hate with a passion of 800 fires (not quite the 1,000 fires that Celine Dion demands).  You can help us by voting on the Four Fat Friends "before" picture at

January 31, 2012

Just Sayin...

I have very little in the way of good stories vis a vis my diet and exercise plan because the dog has diarrhea and the baby won't stop puking everything I feed her, along with crying all night and sleeping all day.  And since Haley brought up snot, I have a little device whereby I actually suck the snot out of baby's poor stuffy little nose.  I do this at least once a day.

Amidst all this glamour, I'm studying for the (cross yourself and spit on the ground) damn Utah Bar, and keeping up with the fabulous fat five!  I'm down 4 lbs. and if I can prevent myself from late-night cereal binges, I may just be able to keep this going.  :)

PS: I did Zumba last night, and had a blast!  Although I kinda felt like this:

January 30, 2012

Liquid Snot

Nellie and I have been faithfully following a eating plan.  It is dissected right down to the last fat gram, calorie, and gram of fiber that we should intake in order to be losing weight successfully.  Yesterday, I tried making yogurt for the first time.  The directions seemed simple enough. I put all the ingredients together, or so I thought, and turned on the ole slow cooker to get things started.  Now, making yogurt is not a quick process.  There are a few steps, and the overall cook/setting up time is lasts for HOURS.  Last night, after  waiting all these hours, I opened my cupboard took out all my small portions pyrex to divide up this yogurt goodness. I opened the lid to the crock pot, what did I see?  SNOT, nothing but liquid SNOT.  How could I have missed out on one of the THREE ingredients listed on the recipe?  SERIOUSLY?? The pictures on the internet show this almost ice cream looking deliciousness... and I get SNOT!  DAMN!  It screwed up my entire morning eating plan!  Next time, READ the ingredients more carefully.  So tonight I get to try and conquer the yogurt challenge once again!!

January 29, 2012

The Microwave: My Juicing Salvation

So juicing has been a struggle for me the past couple days. It's not that it's been disgusting (except for a couple concoctions) or that it's made me ill. The struggle up to just a couple minutes ago has been veggies.

You remember when I added veggies to my juice? Mainly celery? Sometimes the delicious fruit just doesn't mask the vegetables, and the combination can be foul.

Also, considering it has been January, it's been cold outside and in our condo. When you're all bundled up in a blanket and hungry or thirsty, the last thing you need is a cool glass of fruit juice. You want something warm and delicious.

So I did something new today. I dissected one of our tomato bisque recipes and decided to adapt it to juicing. We went to Smith's and bought tomatoes, onions, and green peppers. I came home and juiced them, using only a little onion and green pepper in a lot of tomato juice. Then I added salt and pepper and dried garlic and threw it all in the microwave. When it was heated, I threw in a little honey to cut out the acidity of the tomato, and IT WAS DELICIOUS! I was wonderful warm vegetable broth with a little kick from the green pepper and onion. It was he savory, hot thing that I really needed.

Some say that heating these juices can kill some of the wonderful nutrients in them. To these people, I say they can take their heat sensitive nutrients and SHOVE 'EM!

January 27, 2012!

I was officially weighed-in 2 hours and 40 minutes ago and I.AM.HUNGRY! I do not have a plan for tonight's dinner, secretly, I am a little scared.  My food/diet plan is: having everything pre-planned, pre-made, pre-portioned.  Unfortunately, my pre-planning, pre-making, and pre-portioning happens tomorrow.  (It's true, my weekends are going to be a wild-wild party.)  Don't worry other fat friends - I will not let you down with poor choices!

I apologize for the lack of comedy in today's post....I can't be expected to witty when I am before your very eyes withering and wasting away to a waif.


And the contest begins!

Do we all feel the dramatic reverb?

When I weighed in today, I was sure to make the appointment for the afternoon so that I could have a big breakfast of Original Pancake House, which was about 5 lbs of eggs benedict goodness. Then I filled up on fruit juice and drank a liter of water. And I wore long pants, though I forgot to wear a heavier shirt. But I think I did my best to weigh a little more than I normally should.

I found the scale at the clinic where I was weighed showed one pound less than my Wii Fit, so I think I'm gonna stick with the Wii Fit so there is a chance of a little surprise in 12 weeks.

But yeah, my weight should be verified tonight, and then we can all KICK A!

The "chubby" Checklist....

I have always known that I am a large person.  However, I have never really classified myself to be "fat." I always referred to myself as "strong" "sturdy"  "built for hard labor" or even "extra medium"  Never "fat".  So after viewing these frightening photos of myself, I sat down with a checklist to see if I truly should be in the "fat" category.  The outcome is astonishing.  Here is the "chubby checklist"  Starting from the head down....

Chubby cheeks (on both ends) --------check
Double chin-----------check
Relief Society arms----------check
The double muffin top---------check
Love handles-------- check
Flabby thighs-------- check
Cottage cheese--------- check
Back chub--------  check
Wide A-------  check

DAMN!  Looks like I've got it all!!! :(

January 26, 2012

Caleb the Guy of 5 Fat Friends

Sorry if the sound is a little quiet on his end. We were in a large place, which affects sound in that way. Here are his before pictures:

Devin the Large of 5 Fat Friends

And my befores follow. Can I look gayer? I really don't think so.

Bethany the Wise of 5 Fat Friends

And her before pictures:

Nellie the Adorable of 5 Fat Friends

And her before pictures:

Hoover the Great of 5 Fat Friends

And let's see those before pictures:

For the "Pseudo-Athlete" in you!

I think I may have to incorporate this into my weight loss plan. Hopefully they are affordable! It is after all recommended by "Pseudo-athletes".

Beware of Celery

My wife and I got our juicer in the mail the other day, and we have been absolutely loving it! We've been experimenting with things you typically see people juice such as apples, oranges, and carrots. And those three make a lovely cocktail.

We discovered yesterday that we also like cucumber, surprisingly enough. The only deal with adding a green thing to a juice that is bright orange is it turns a foul brown color. But if you can manage to see past this color inconvenience, or simply drink with your eyes closed, the taste of cucumber added to fruit juice was refreshing.

So today we had a birth class with the lady who will be our doula, and because she's really big on natural foods, I decided I'd make a blend of something delicious and make it super healthy, too. So I pulled various other veggies out of the fridge and threw them down the chute of the juicer. I was happy to find celery, and I thought, "I like celery," so I tossed like HALF A BUNCH into the Breville. And it yielded lots of lovely, pale green juice. Then I threw in a whole lemon, mostly because our birth instructor told us that if you have lemon early in the day, you'll have nice BM's. I added kale, which tastes like lawn trimmings, but knew the other strong flavors of orange and carrot and sweetness of apple would mask the lawn trimmings and make it more palatable.

The color of everything was the foulest brown I've seen and reminded me of beef stock. So I poured a glass to test it out before proudly presenting it to our birth instructor, and guess what it tasted like! Celery, kale, and butt! I figured that instead of enjoying the mix as a whole, I would challenge myself with picking out the various ingredients and seeing if I could identify them. Mostly, I could pick out the celery, kale, and butt.

We're not taking it to the birth instructor.

January 25, 2012

This takes the "muffin top" to a whole new level....

I am aware of my double "muffin top" status.  However, I am grateful that this competition will keep me from EVER getting to the full on "LOAF" status like the woman in this picture!  May the competition PLEASE begin!  I am ready to get this party started!!!!

January 22, 2012

Everyone Loves a Smorgasbord!

Considering the quality of food we'll be consuming tomorrow night, I felt this applied.

So for tomorrow's banquet of goodiness, I'm bringing creme brulee. Just saying. Also, I hope someone brings something with bacon.

As far as interviews go, there is another item I wish you all to think about. So to review, I'll post the now four points of the interview process:

1. The outline of your weight loss program.
2. Obstacles that may impede your progress.
3. Preparations you have already put into place to overcome or avoid these challenges.
4. How you plan to blow your portion of the $10k.

Thanks, friends!

January 20, 2012

Quality Camera....

I'm more than happy to participate in the "before" and "after" pics.  However, we'd better have quite the camera.  I don't know if just any camera can handle these muffin tops, one above and one below the waistline.  It is a sorry sight.  However, for the FFF, I am more than willing to show them off in full form!  I just really hope that this site becomes popular around the country, then everyone I know will be loving the muffin tops!  BRING IT ON!!!!!

FYI:  If we choose to pose in our skibbs for the photos... I will look like a giant white scoop of cottage cheese!

January 19, 2012

Feeling the Fury of the Truffle Shuffle

Bring it ON!  I'm ready as two ready things on ready pills, and have already mentally spent my $2,000, so we'd better kick trash.  Thrilled is the only word for how much I am excited Nellie asked me to be on the team, which is why I thought we should be called "Nellie's Ninjas," but I was overruled for the FFF, which kinda sounds like it could be dirty, so I like it.  Triple eFFF!  Cheers, mates.

Before Pics

Alright, my fat friends. This post is regarding our before pictures, and our calorie fest before this thing takes off. Firstly, Caleb--bless his heart--is just about the busiest person in the world, which means he won't be able to be there in the flesh. But he did say to let him know the day of the calorie load, and he'll do the same to be with us in spirit.

That same day, I think it'd be fun to do a 60-second interview of each of us detailing how we all intend to win this competition, and then post the video clips on our blog. It can be done on my iPhone easily enough.

So please be prepared to answer the following questions:
1. What is the general layout of your weight loss program?
2. What do you feel are the obstacles along the way?
3. How are you gonna blow your share of the $10k?

Because Caleb won't be there, I'll get his clip later, even if it means driving up to Ogden and film him whilst he remodels his theater. (Yeah, he and his wife just closed on their own theater. How awesome is that!)


All the other teams are the fat kid...they're gonna get smacked in the face with our awesomeness. Just sayin'