January 31, 2012

Just Sayin...

I have very little in the way of good stories vis a vis my diet and exercise plan because the dog has diarrhea and the baby won't stop puking everything I feed her, along with crying all night and sleeping all day.  And since Haley brought up snot, I have a little device whereby I actually suck the snot out of baby's poor stuffy little nose.  I do this at least once a day.

Amidst all this glamour, I'm studying for the (cross yourself and spit on the ground) damn Utah Bar, and keeping up with the fabulous fat five!  I'm down 4 lbs. and if I can prevent myself from late-night cereal binges, I may just be able to keep this going.  :)

PS: I did Zumba last night, and had a blast!  Although I kinda felt like this:

January 30, 2012

Liquid Snot

Nellie and I have been faithfully following a eating plan.  It is dissected right down to the last fat gram, calorie, and gram of fiber that we should intake in order to be losing weight successfully.  Yesterday, I tried making yogurt for the first time.  The directions seemed simple enough. I put all the ingredients together, or so I thought, and turned on the ole slow cooker to get things started.  Now, making yogurt is not a quick process.  There are a few steps, and the overall cook/setting up time is lasts for HOURS.  Last night, after  waiting all these hours, I opened my cupboard took out all my small portions pyrex to divide up this yogurt goodness. I opened the lid to the crock pot, what did I see?  SNOT, nothing but liquid SNOT.  How could I have missed out on one of the THREE ingredients listed on the recipe?  SERIOUSLY?? The pictures on the internet show this almost ice cream looking deliciousness... and I get SNOT!  DAMN!  It screwed up my entire morning eating plan!  Next time, READ the ingredients more carefully.  So tonight I get to try and conquer the yogurt challenge once again!!

January 29, 2012

The Microwave: My Juicing Salvation

So juicing has been a struggle for me the past couple days. It's not that it's been disgusting (except for a couple concoctions) or that it's made me ill. The struggle up to just a couple minutes ago has been veggies.

You remember when I added veggies to my juice? Mainly celery? Sometimes the delicious fruit just doesn't mask the vegetables, and the combination can be foul.

Also, considering it has been January, it's been cold outside and in our condo. When you're all bundled up in a blanket and hungry or thirsty, the last thing you need is a cool glass of fruit juice. You want something warm and delicious.

So I did something new today. I dissected one of our tomato bisque recipes and decided to adapt it to juicing. We went to Smith's and bought tomatoes, onions, and green peppers. I came home and juiced them, using only a little onion and green pepper in a lot of tomato juice. Then I added salt and pepper and dried garlic and threw it all in the microwave. When it was heated, I threw in a little honey to cut out the acidity of the tomato, and IT WAS DELICIOUS! I was wonderful warm vegetable broth with a little kick from the green pepper and onion. It was he savory, hot thing that I really needed.

Some say that heating these juices can kill some of the wonderful nutrients in them. To these people, I say they can take their heat sensitive nutrients and SHOVE 'EM!

January 27, 2012


I was officially weighed-in 2 hours and 40 minutes ago and I.AM.HUNGRY! I do not have a plan for tonight's dinner, secretly, I am a little scared.  My food/diet plan is: having everything pre-planned, pre-made, pre-portioned.  Unfortunately, my pre-planning, pre-making, and pre-portioning happens tomorrow.  (It's true, my weekends are going to be a wild-wild party.)  Don't worry other fat friends - I will not let you down with poor choices!

I apologize for the lack of comedy in today's post....I can't be expected to witty when I am before your very eyes withering and wasting away to a waif.


And the contest begins!

Do we all feel the dramatic reverb?

When I weighed in today, I was sure to make the appointment for the afternoon so that I could have a big breakfast of Original Pancake House, which was about 5 lbs of eggs benedict goodness. Then I filled up on fruit juice and drank a liter of water. And I wore long pants, though I forgot to wear a heavier shirt. But I think I did my best to weigh a little more than I normally should.

I found the scale at the clinic where I was weighed showed one pound less than my Wii Fit, so I think I'm gonna stick with the Wii Fit so there is a chance of a little surprise in 12 weeks.

But yeah, my weight should be verified tonight, and then we can all KICK A!

The "chubby" Checklist....

I have always known that I am a large person.  However, I have never really classified myself to be "fat." I always referred to myself as "strong" "sturdy"  "built for hard labor" or even "extra medium"  Never "fat".  So after viewing these frightening photos of myself, I sat down with a checklist to see if I truly should be in the "fat" category.  The outcome is astonishing.  Here is the "chubby checklist"  Starting from the head down....

Chubby cheeks (on both ends) --------check
Double chin-----------check
Relief Society arms----------check
The double muffin top---------check
Love handles-------- check
Flabby thighs-------- check
Cottage cheese--------- check
Back chub--------  check
Wide A-------  check

DAMN!  Looks like I've got it all!!! :(

January 26, 2012

Caleb the Guy of 5 Fat Friends

Sorry if the sound is a little quiet on his end. We were in a large place, which affects sound in that way. Here are his before pictures:

Devin the Large of 5 Fat Friends

And my befores follow. Can I look gayer? I really don't think so.

Bethany the Wise of 5 Fat Friends

And her before pictures:

Nellie the Adorable of 5 Fat Friends

And her before pictures:

Hoover the Great of 5 Fat Friends

And let's see those before pictures:

For the "Pseudo-Athlete" in you!

I think I may have to incorporate this into my weight loss plan. Hopefully they are affordable! It is after all recommended by "Pseudo-athletes".

Beware of Celery

My wife and I got our juicer in the mail the other day, and we have been absolutely loving it! We've been experimenting with things you typically see people juice such as apples, oranges, and carrots. And those three make a lovely cocktail.

We discovered yesterday that we also like cucumber, surprisingly enough. The only deal with adding a green thing to a juice that is bright orange is it turns a foul brown color. But if you can manage to see past this color inconvenience, or simply drink with your eyes closed, the taste of cucumber added to fruit juice was refreshing.

So today we had a birth class with the lady who will be our doula, and because she's really big on natural foods, I decided I'd make a blend of something delicious and make it super healthy, too. So I pulled various other veggies out of the fridge and threw them down the chute of the juicer. I was happy to find celery, and I thought, "I like celery," so I tossed like HALF A BUNCH into the Breville. And it yielded lots of lovely, pale green juice. Then I threw in a whole lemon, mostly because our birth instructor told us that if you have lemon early in the day, you'll have nice BM's. I added kale, which tastes like lawn trimmings, but knew the other strong flavors of orange and carrot and sweetness of apple would mask the lawn trimmings and make it more palatable.

The color of everything was the foulest brown I've seen and reminded me of beef stock. So I poured a glass to test it out before proudly presenting it to our birth instructor, and guess what it tasted like! Celery, kale, and butt! I figured that instead of enjoying the mix as a whole, I would challenge myself with picking out the various ingredients and seeing if I could identify them. Mostly, I could pick out the celery, kale, and butt.

We're not taking it to the birth instructor.

January 25, 2012

This takes the "muffin top" to a whole new level....

I am aware of my double "muffin top" status.  However, I am grateful that this competition will keep me from EVER getting to the full on "LOAF" status like the woman in this picture!  May the competition PLEASE begin!  I am ready to get this party started!!!!

January 22, 2012

Everyone Loves a Smorgasbord!

Considering the quality of food we'll be consuming tomorrow night, I felt this applied.

So for tomorrow's banquet of goodiness, I'm bringing creme brulee. Just saying. Also, I hope someone brings something with bacon.

As far as interviews go, there is another item I wish you all to think about. So to review, I'll post the now four points of the interview process:

1. The outline of your weight loss program.
2. Obstacles that may impede your progress.
3. Preparations you have already put into place to overcome or avoid these challenges.
4. How you plan to blow your portion of the $10k.

Thanks, friends!

January 20, 2012

Quality Camera....

I'm more than happy to participate in the "before" and "after" pics.  However, we'd better have quite the camera.  I don't know if just any camera can handle these muffin tops, one above and one below the waistline.  It is a sorry sight.  However, for the FFF, I am more than willing to show them off in full form!  I just really hope that this site becomes popular around the country, then everyone I know will be loving the muffin tops!  BRING IT ON!!!!!

FYI:  If we choose to pose in our skibbs for the photos... I will look like a giant white scoop of cottage cheese!

January 19, 2012

Feeling the Fury of the Truffle Shuffle

Bring it ON!  I'm ready as two ready things on ready pills, and have already mentally spent my $2,000, so we'd better kick trash.  Thrilled is the only word for how much I am excited Nellie asked me to be on the team, which is why I thought we should be called "Nellie's Ninjas," but I was overruled for the FFF, which kinda sounds like it could be dirty, so I like it.  Triple eFFF!  Cheers, mates.

Before Pics

Alright, my fat friends. This post is regarding our before pictures, and our calorie fest before this thing takes off. Firstly, Caleb--bless his heart--is just about the busiest person in the world, which means he won't be able to be there in the flesh. But he did say to let him know the day of the calorie load, and he'll do the same to be with us in spirit.

That same day, I think it'd be fun to do a 60-second interview of each of us detailing how we all intend to win this competition, and then post the video clips on our blog. It can be done on my iPhone easily enough.

So please be prepared to answer the following questions:
1. What is the general layout of your weight loss program?
2. What do you feel are the obstacles along the way?
3. How are you gonna blow your share of the $10k?

Because Caleb won't be there, I'll get his clip later, even if it means driving up to Ogden and film him whilst he remodels his theater. (Yeah, he and his wife just closed on their own theater. How awesome is that!)


All the other teams are the fat kid...they're gonna get smacked in the face with our awesomeness. Just sayin'